Tuesday, May 22, 2012

God is good

God is good ALL THE TIME....even when I am not trusting in Him like I should.

First let me start by saying even though no one specifically posted here, THANK YOU for your prayers.  I know you are praying because I can feel it!  My heart is not gripped with fear but with excitement and that can only come from the Lord.

Secondly, as I have said before God has provided for our journey only when we have needed it and only as much as we have needed.  Never early, never late, never not enough and never too much (although I would love to try out that early and too much part some day)  Just as He has done up until this point, He showed me again, that He is in charge of this journey to little T.  We received a letter yesterday saying that we were awarded a FOUR THOUSAND dollar grant from Show Hope.  My heart is beyond overflowing with gratitude.  You see, again, that is the exact amount we needed to pay the next fee when our LOA arrives.  My guess is that our LOA must not be too far away if He sent the money for it.  Saturday is our car wash which will now officially be the beginning of our travel fee funds.  It is all we will be needing to complete this adoption and after the LOA comes we will only have about 3 months to raise it.  I know I will again go to that dark place, I know there will be times of stress and worry that money will not be there.....but that is where I need you!  I need you to be in constant prayer for my heart to hear what the Lord is saying...and that is "Don't worry, I've got this" Sadly though being a human means I tend to listen to evil saying "you better worry, you are not good enough for this"  SIGH

So this post was to give credit where credit is due, THANK YOU LORD for yet again providing the funds and especially the love for me and for little T that it takes to bring her home!!!  THANK YOU friends for praying me through this!  I am getting very excited and definitely plugging back into this adoption!!!

Saturday, May 19, 2012


I know that fear is not from the Lord.  I know that He placed little T on my heart last February for a reason.  I know that He has shown up time and time again to confirm that we are to bring her home.  I must admit though I am SCARED, soooo scared!

First I am scared that China might still say no.  I have only heard of 1 other family not getting their "letter seeking confirmation" from China granting final approval for a family to adopt a specific child.  That family had a mom with MS...yeah scary stuff.  China however did not see any mention of it in the LOI (letter requesting permission to adopt the child).  The family did go back and fight for the right to adopt this child and was able to bring him home.  It is still scary though since I have MS.

Second I'm scared that this wait to find out will go on for several more months and if it does we will be looking at the October Trade fair throwing MAJOR increases in airfare and hotels. If that happens we will have to postpone our trip until November.  I can't imagine having to wait that long to bring her home.

Third, and this one is HUGE.  I'm scared we won't have the money we need to bring her home!  I stepped out in faith with this adoption, I swore that I would not fundraise to bring a child home, and it was for just this reason.  What if, what happens if we don't raise the money we need?  I can't even go there!  We are getting ready to look at loan options but I don't know that we will qualify for much and that is scary. I have always looked at others and thought, how can you just "step out" and expect the money to be there?  So far, every single penny we've needed HAS been there...the only problem is we are running out of options and time.  We still need all of our travel money and I know I am under estimating when I say that is 10K...it might be more like 17K  How in the world does money like that just show up?  I am still sewing, but things aren't selling.  We had a garage sale, worked like crazy and made 250.00.  That's not bad and it was more then we had when we woke up but let's face it, that won't pay for much. :(  We are holding a car wash next weekend so maybe that can bring in some much needed funds.  There is still one more grant application that we have out and 1 more I want to apply to.

Fourth, I am scared that since I am trying to detach myself the process so I don't go into a deep dark depression over all of these things, I am scared that I am detaching from little T herself.

All this is to say, please pray for us.  Pray that we will get our final permission to adopt little T, please pray it comes soon.  Please pray that the money will be there for us to travel and complete her adoption and pray that I can be plugged back in so that I can attach to her as well as her attaching to me.  Thank you so much!