Saturday, May 19, 2012


I know that fear is not from the Lord.  I know that He placed little T on my heart last February for a reason.  I know that He has shown up time and time again to confirm that we are to bring her home.  I must admit though I am SCARED, soooo scared!

First I am scared that China might still say no.  I have only heard of 1 other family not getting their "letter seeking confirmation" from China granting final approval for a family to adopt a specific child.  That family had a mom with MS...yeah scary stuff.  China however did not see any mention of it in the LOI (letter requesting permission to adopt the child).  The family did go back and fight for the right to adopt this child and was able to bring him home.  It is still scary though since I have MS.

Second I'm scared that this wait to find out will go on for several more months and if it does we will be looking at the October Trade fair throwing MAJOR increases in airfare and hotels. If that happens we will have to postpone our trip until November.  I can't imagine having to wait that long to bring her home.

Third, and this one is HUGE.  I'm scared we won't have the money we need to bring her home!  I stepped out in faith with this adoption, I swore that I would not fundraise to bring a child home, and it was for just this reason.  What if, what happens if we don't raise the money we need?  I can't even go there!  We are getting ready to look at loan options but I don't know that we will qualify for much and that is scary. I have always looked at others and thought, how can you just "step out" and expect the money to be there?  So far, every single penny we've needed HAS been there...the only problem is we are running out of options and time.  We still need all of our travel money and I know I am under estimating when I say that is might be more like 17K  How in the world does money like that just show up?  I am still sewing, but things aren't selling.  We had a garage sale, worked like crazy and made 250.00.  That's not bad and it was more then we had when we woke up but let's face it, that won't pay for much. :(  We are holding a car wash next weekend so maybe that can bring in some much needed funds.  There is still one more grant application that we have out and 1 more I want to apply to.

Fourth, I am scared that since I am trying to detach myself the process so I don't go into a deep dark depression over all of these things, I am scared that I am detaching from little T herself.

All this is to say, please pray for us.  Pray that we will get our final permission to adopt little T, please pray it comes soon.  Please pray that the money will be there for us to travel and complete her adoption and pray that I can be plugged back in so that I can attach to her as well as her attaching to me.  Thank you so much!

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