Now what?

I have been asking myself that question over and over and over again since last night.  We had a plan to pay for the last of our expenses for the adoption.  That plan was not to be.  I decided we needed to try plan B.  I've been stressing for a month now as we waited for the decision of a Christian foundation that does 0% interest loans to families who are also Christian and who are adopting.  We found out last night we were denied.  The letter says they have more applicants than money to share so they wished us luck, and with that our dreams came crashing down.

Here we are about 4-5 weeks away from when we are supposed to be IN China and we are short the entire amount of money it takes to get there.  I never wanted to be one of "those" families.  You know the ones who just blindly go into an adoption without a plan.  The ones who blast all over the internet because they need thousands of dollars or they can't get their kid.  I know ALL the criticizm of those families, I've been there, and I've probably said some of the same things.  I then saw my own close friends in situations very similar.  I hurt for them, I donated and prayed.  Then we started our own adoption without a plan.  I stepped out in faith and watched in awe as God provided at each turn.  We never had more than enough, we always had just enough exactly when we needed it.  When we started this journey my prayers were that if we were not her family that God would shut the door.  I prayed and prayed that we would not be one of those families that needed thousands of dollars right before travel but yet here we are.

So what now?  Honestly I don't know the answer to that.  So many people are trying hard to pick me up and get me to fight the fight.  I'm tired though, I'm soo tired, I have fought so hard at each and every step of this and feel like I'm out of fight.  I don't think I've given up, I mean we are "this" close to having her home.  I do admit though to feeling like this is impossible. We are figuring we need about 10K for us to travel.  We do not intend to do any touring, no Beijing first.  We originally wanted to take EmmaLi because she has such an anxious attachment, as well as we thought it would help "T" with her adjustment.  I would still love to take her, I just don't know how we are going to get there ourselves at this point.  I am trying in my head to figure out the least expensive way to do this.  One way is obviously to postpone travel until mid to late September.  If we have at least a 21 day advance purchase for the tickets that will save us several hundred dollars each ticket. We are still not doing any touring, will pack a suitcase full of Top Ramen and protein bars for meals if that will help.  I hope it will.  Another thing we are doing is begging.  Yup turning into "THAT" family, we are at the mercy of everyone else to do what we started.  We are on our knees praying that the Lord can move someone's heart to the point of donating. 

Before we knew we were denied for the loan a sweet friend in the adoption community nominated our family for a fundraiser called Making a difference 1 dollar at a time.  The idea is to literally ask for 1.00 from as many people as you can.  It is run by an adoptive mom who is also weeks away from travel at this point.  You can read our story on her blog The total looks great, and it is but that is also starting from where our American Girl doll give away ended.  We HAVE however raised close to 400.00 in less than 12 hours.  If we can keep up that pace we will be able to start breathing again.  Our family will only be featured for 1 week so PLEASE share our blog as well as Angela's blog with as many people as you can.  If you can not give a dollar to our family, please become a follower of her blog and maybe you can help another family at another time.  We truly will be getting to China on the generosity of others and the grace of our Lord!!!!

Lastly THIS is who we are fighting for.  This is the latest photo we have of Miss T.  We would love nothing more than to have her be the youngest of our clan!!!